Dallin is doing okay. He's a typical 8 year old boy wanting to play with friends, not do his homework, and into anything having to do with transformers, cars, Iron Man or The Hulk. At least that's how life is most of the time.

I sometimes forget that he is also dealing with missing Garrett and then something happens and his reaction surprises me. Tonight Maura smacked her mouth on the edge of her crib and cut her lip. There was a surprising amount of blood and it took me a minute to figure out that it was just her lip and nothing else. There was blood on her PJ's and my shirt and her hands and down her chin. I told Dallin to hurry and get a washcloth for me. I think maybe I scared him because after I calmed Maura down and got her washed up I couldn't find Dallin. I thought he was reading stories on the couch, but he wasn't there. I looked and found him already in his bed (not normal) and very very quiet. We started talking and he told me he was very worried about Maura. I reassured him that everything would be okay and he felt better, but it surprised me how upset he was.

He surprised me at the Primary Program a few weeks ago too when in the middle of it he came down off the stand and sat by us and cried for a little while. He said singing "I am a Child of God" made him miss Garrett.

Every once in a while he will get upset about something (usually when friends have to go home) and cry and scream and get really mad. After he calms down we talk about why he was so upset and how it's not an appropriate way to communicate with me. Often it leads to discussions about how much he misses Garrett.

I think his responses are pretty typical and to be expected. I feel the exact same way (although I cry and scream when I'm alone). I'm not worried about him and I don't think we need to find a counselor or anything, but every once in a while he surprises me with how emotional he gets over small things.

Overall, I think we have become better friends. He has become my helper for Maura and we do a lot of things together and I depend on him more to help around the house. If I am feeling sad he comes and gives me a hug and rubs my back-he doesn't say anything, he just hugs me like he understands. I guess it's normal for a family to cling together more after a traumatic experience.

I think I have gotten to know my own son better in the last few months than I ever have. In some ways I'm grateful for the closeness it has brought us. It's another blessing Garrett has brought to our family.

Where's Garrett?

I get this question a lot from kids in the neighborhood. Often they will come over to play and in the middle of doing something come over and ask me, "Where's Garrett?". Then they stop and say "Oh, yeah, I forgot." .

It happens to me all the time too-I forget! I go in to wake up 'the boys'...and there's only Dallin sleeping in the bunk beds. I set the table for dinner and put a plate out for Garrett. I was just thinking about Halloween and what could 'the boys' be? There is always that little second before I remember.

I'm glad the kids in our neighborhood still remember him. I love that they will talk about him and share stories about him and imagine what he would be doing and talk about what kinds of things he liked to do.

I know exactly where Garrett is; he's here in our hearts and our memories until we are together forever.

Those we miss

I borrowed this from my sister's blog.

My mom, brother, and sisters and lots of kiddos on a hike at the Heaton Ranch.

Blythe, Halle and Garrett locked in jail while visiting Aunt B. in Arizona. They were bad little kids!

My Grandpa Jones and Garrett. Garrett was never afraid to wear girl clothes! :-) Of course he wasn't old enough to know the difference. They are taking a time out from being pulled in a sled behind one of the four-wheelers. I love this picture of the two of them.
My cousin Jonathan, Bekki, Garrett, Grandpa Jones (dad), Grandma Jones (my mom who is in heaven keeping Garrett and Grandpa company), brother-in-law Kelly, and my brother David taking in the scenery in Colorado. This picture was taken about 2 weeks before my mom passed away suddenly.
Jude's best buddy, Garrett. They were chilling out with some popcorn and a movie on our vacation to Colorado.

Playing in the stream outside the cabin. Silly boys.

Our family had a lot of deaths within a two year period. It has been very hard on us but I'm grateful to know that families are eternal and we'll see them again. We love you!

Thanks Jennifer for the great pictures and nice thoughts.

My Blog Book

I finally got my blog book (2007) in the mail! It took me a while to get up the courage to edit it and proofread it. I then had it printed by BLURB and they did a good job!

While I was looking at the newest book and all the photos from 2007 (189 pages worth) I was thinking about Garrett. I really enjoyed looking at the pictures of all of us together and I was just amazed that we had such a cute little guy with us all the time.

I remember feeling like I was so lucky back then to have him all of the time and I only get him some of the time now. That was such a weird thought to have popped into my head-I only get him sometimes now.

I didn't think about it much until a few days later I had one of the Young women in my ward pull me aside and tell me a little story. She said she saw me walking a few days ago and had to look twice because she saw Garrett holding onto the stroller and walking along with me. He was smiling and walking and enjoying the day with me. It was a really neat story. I'm happy she shared it.

Then I remembered the thoughts I had when I looked at my book. It seems a little strange now to talk about, but I feel like he's around once in a while. Sometimes I get a strong feeling that he is here with us enjoying a little time with his family. Other times I like to imagine how he would react to what we are doing and what kinds of things he would say. Like this past Sunday in church we had the Primary program and I could just imagine what he would be doing. Standing in the front with his buddy Mitchell with a super big grin on his face and waving to us and singing as loud as he could even if he didn't know the words. Then standing up to do his part and getting a little shy after seeing all the faces looking at him. It was a fun thing to imagine.

So, my book made me happy and sad. Happy I have such great memories and wonderful experiences of the time we had with Garrett and sad that for now we only get him once in a while.

It also made me hug Maura a little longer today and play an extra game with Dallin while he is home because I get them both for the whole day.

More Treasures

Michelle (our friend now living with her family in Columbia) was looking through some pictures and found these cute ones for me.

Several years ago...I think it was during 2006 we traveled to Canada to spend a week with Adam's family. On the way home we had a layover in DC! Lucky for us the Fowler's and Corbett's lived there at the time. The Fowler family picked us up at the airport and gave us a driving tour of the city.

Then we went and walked around several monuments and had lunch on the lawn before heading back to the airport and on our way home to Arizona. It was a fun afternoon and we have such good memories of the times with our good friends.

I love finding pictures of him that look like this. He always loved the camera both taking pictures and having them taken of him. His "cheesy grin" is my favorite pose of his.

This picture was taken by another good friend Leslie at her house. I'm not sure when it was because Garrett (and Dallin and Maura) spend a lot of time at her house-it's their second home. (From the look of her furniture and the clothes he is wearing, it was probably taken sometime this year-2008.)

Thanks for the pictures! They sure make my day.

Treasures

Just the other day I was looking through some pictures trying to organize and I found these. I hadn't seen them before. I think someone sent them to me right after Garrett died and I put them in a file and haven't looked at them since.

First they brought a little tear to my eye. Now a smile. He is such a special guy.

I'm not sure who took the picture, but it was taken at a splash park not far from our home. I'm sure we were there with a ton of friends. He was always up for going to the splash park to cool off and be with friends. (On a side note, notice the dent in his chest-it's one of the fun things he got from his dad.)

What a silly face, and an even sillier haircut. I'm not sure why he always had a haircut like this. We tried cutting it differently one summer and it just didn't look right. Of course this doesn't look too great either...poor kid. He inherited my hair, very fine and straight.

Haircut is better in this picture. It's grown out a little I am guessing. This is at my Aunt Ellen's house during a Jones party. Mostly we ate chocolate (notice the evidence) and looked at photo albums.

Garrett had such a sweet tooth! He was always up for treats.

He loved getting tossed around!

He and his cousin Kylan were super good buddies!

He was such a great brother. He LOVED to be near, pick up, hug and generally maul Maura. I remember one day having him call me into the family room after I had put her on the floor to entertain herself for a while. "Come and see" he yelled. I came and saw him jumping back and forth over her laughing and having a great time.

I think that's what I remember the most, him laughing and smiling and always having such a great time. He had such a cheerful disposition and was happy. If he was ever sad it was short lived. I want to be like Garrett.

Thanks, whoever sent these pictures to me. They were great treasures to find today.