More of December '07

Cousins at our most favorite play place-Makutu's Island!!
Reese, Dallin, Garrett and Brady.
The traditional decorating of the gingerbread house.
Visiting the Christmas Lights at the Mesa Temple! We love to do it every year.
Garrett dressed up in Grandpa's Cowboy attire.
I just love the expressions in these pictures. It makes me giggle to look at them. I love how expressive both my boys are.
Joy. This is what joy looks like.
Brotherly love. They were good examples of it.
Dallin misses his little shadow. It's been a hard couple of weeks for him. I think it has been for all of us.

I'm so glad of the pictures and memories.

December last year...

I'm looking through some pictures from last year and remembering the fun we had when my sister and her family came from Wyoming to visit.

Yes! This is what Wyoming kids want to do when they come to warm Arizona in December!

They didn't last very long (except in the hot-tub).
Garrett was such a good little swimmer! He loved taking swimming lessons, playing in sprinklers, or any other activity that included water!

November with Garrett

I was thinking about Garrett and what we were doing this time last year.
Maura had just been born and Garrett was crazy about her. Before he came to the hospital to see her, he told me over the phone "Mom, when I see her I will so freak out!"
He loooooved to hold her, touch her, show her things and just be around her.
He was my number one helper when it came to taking care of her. He was always in the middle of whatever I was doing with her.
We had visitors last year. Phil and Linda came from Canada to see us. There's Garrett, right in the middle.
We ate a Thanksgiving dinner that Adam cooked himself.
The boys were always ganging up on Adam. They loved to wrestle and rough house with him.
Garrett was the foreman of the garden project.
He was always helping and right in the middle of all the dirty work.
He enjoyed digging in the dirt and generally being in the middle of the action.
I wonder what he's doing this November...in the middle of the action, I'm sure.

Dallin is doing okay. He's a typical 8 year old boy wanting to play with friends, not do his homework, and into anything having to do with transformers, cars, Iron Man or The Hulk. At least that's how life is most of the time.

I sometimes forget that he is also dealing with missing Garrett and then something happens and his reaction surprises me. Tonight Maura smacked her mouth on the edge of her crib and cut her lip. There was a surprising amount of blood and it took me a minute to figure out that it was just her lip and nothing else. There was blood on her PJ's and my shirt and her hands and down her chin. I told Dallin to hurry and get a washcloth for me. I think maybe I scared him because after I calmed Maura down and got her washed up I couldn't find Dallin. I thought he was reading stories on the couch, but he wasn't there. I looked and found him already in his bed (not normal) and very very quiet. We started talking and he told me he was very worried about Maura. I reassured him that everything would be okay and he felt better, but it surprised me how upset he was.

He surprised me at the Primary Program a few weeks ago too when in the middle of it he came down off the stand and sat by us and cried for a little while. He said singing "I am a Child of God" made him miss Garrett.

Every once in a while he will get upset about something (usually when friends have to go home) and cry and scream and get really mad. After he calms down we talk about why he was so upset and how it's not an appropriate way to communicate with me. Often it leads to discussions about how much he misses Garrett.

I think his responses are pretty typical and to be expected. I feel the exact same way (although I cry and scream when I'm alone). I'm not worried about him and I don't think we need to find a counselor or anything, but every once in a while he surprises me with how emotional he gets over small things.

Overall, I think we have become better friends. He has become my helper for Maura and we do a lot of things together and I depend on him more to help around the house. If I am feeling sad he comes and gives me a hug and rubs my back-he doesn't say anything, he just hugs me like he understands. I guess it's normal for a family to cling together more after a traumatic experience.

I think I have gotten to know my own son better in the last few months than I ever have. In some ways I'm grateful for the closeness it has brought us. It's another blessing Garrett has brought to our family.

Where's Garrett?

I get this question a lot from kids in the neighborhood. Often they will come over to play and in the middle of doing something come over and ask me, "Where's Garrett?". Then they stop and say "Oh, yeah, I forgot." .

It happens to me all the time too-I forget! I go in to wake up 'the boys'...and there's only Dallin sleeping in the bunk beds. I set the table for dinner and put a plate out for Garrett. I was just thinking about Halloween and what could 'the boys' be? There is always that little second before I remember.

I'm glad the kids in our neighborhood still remember him. I love that they will talk about him and share stories about him and imagine what he would be doing and talk about what kinds of things he liked to do.

I know exactly where Garrett is; he's here in our hearts and our memories until we are together forever.

Those we miss

I borrowed this from my sister's blog.

My mom, brother, and sisters and lots of kiddos on a hike at the Heaton Ranch.

Blythe, Halle and Garrett locked in jail while visiting Aunt B. in Arizona. They were bad little kids!

My Grandpa Jones and Garrett. Garrett was never afraid to wear girl clothes! :-) Of course he wasn't old enough to know the difference. They are taking a time out from being pulled in a sled behind one of the four-wheelers. I love this picture of the two of them.
My cousin Jonathan, Bekki, Garrett, Grandpa Jones (dad), Grandma Jones (my mom who is in heaven keeping Garrett and Grandpa company), brother-in-law Kelly, and my brother David taking in the scenery in Colorado. This picture was taken about 2 weeks before my mom passed away suddenly.
Jude's best buddy, Garrett. They were chilling out with some popcorn and a movie on our vacation to Colorado.

Playing in the stream outside the cabin. Silly boys.

Our family had a lot of deaths within a two year period. It has been very hard on us but I'm grateful to know that families are eternal and we'll see them again. We love you!

Thanks Jennifer for the great pictures and nice thoughts.

My Blog Book

I finally got my blog book (2007) in the mail! It took me a while to get up the courage to edit it and proofread it. I then had it printed by BLURB and they did a good job!

While I was looking at the newest book and all the photos from 2007 (189 pages worth) I was thinking about Garrett. I really enjoyed looking at the pictures of all of us together and I was just amazed that we had such a cute little guy with us all the time.

I remember feeling like I was so lucky back then to have him all of the time and I only get him some of the time now. That was such a weird thought to have popped into my head-I only get him sometimes now.

I didn't think about it much until a few days later I had one of the Young women in my ward pull me aside and tell me a little story. She said she saw me walking a few days ago and had to look twice because she saw Garrett holding onto the stroller and walking along with me. He was smiling and walking and enjoying the day with me. It was a really neat story. I'm happy she shared it.

Then I remembered the thoughts I had when I looked at my book. It seems a little strange now to talk about, but I feel like he's around once in a while. Sometimes I get a strong feeling that he is here with us enjoying a little time with his family. Other times I like to imagine how he would react to what we are doing and what kinds of things he would say. Like this past Sunday in church we had the Primary program and I could just imagine what he would be doing. Standing in the front with his buddy Mitchell with a super big grin on his face and waving to us and singing as loud as he could even if he didn't know the words. Then standing up to do his part and getting a little shy after seeing all the faces looking at him. It was a fun thing to imagine.

So, my book made me happy and sad. Happy I have such great memories and wonderful experiences of the time we had with Garrett and sad that for now we only get him once in a while.

It also made me hug Maura a little longer today and play an extra game with Dallin while he is home because I get them both for the whole day.