It's been 4 months and 11 days we've been without our little Garrett. Some days are easier than others. On a day like today, when everyone is remembering people they have lost, it's a little harder. He's been on my mind a lot today and I am finding little reminders of him everywhere.

Today we rode home in the shuttle from Superstition Springs Toyota with the same driver that drove Garrett and I. I remember him being SO excited to ride in the bright red van with the cool horns on the front.

I opened a little notebook this morning to make a list of things to do and found a page he had illustrated-I drew a Christmas tree for him and he drew the decorations.

We made his favorite for breakfast this morning-pancakes. It seems they don't get eaten as fast now as they use to. Garrett LOVED pancakes. He would eat them for every meal if I let him and "a pancake in my hand" for a snack.

I put away a puzzle Adam and Dallin put together a couple of days ago. It was a puzzle Garrett got for Christmas. He was a game kid. He always wanted me to play a game with him or "make somened" (his way of talking was very unique).

I drove by Banner Desert hospital yesterday and found a lump in my throat. Hospitals aren't scary to me, they just bring back really hard memories. While watching a silly show one night I completely fell apart because one of the characters was in the hospital. It seemed so ridiculous that it would effect me so strongly.

It's strange how a perfectly normal activity will make me sad. Not as horribly miserable as I use to feel, but just sad. That knot in my stomach has loosened a little.

It seems that when I'm doing okay or going about my normal activities, the ache builds a little and at the most inopportune times it becomes uncontrollable. Like when riding home in a shuttle from the car fix-it place. I owe the driver an explanation...